Funnies

In an apparent effort to plug the gushing pie hole that is the Obama Administration's greasy oil dump on the Gulf of the Mexicans, BP's deadbeat parent company Bullshit Petroleum appointed Boo Dudley, the creepy, retarded guy from Harper Lee's true novel, CEO of the pretending-to-be Broke Petroleum.

Tell me if this note from the editor or the humor section of an esteemed magazine makes any sense: We're sorry to say that your piece, "Rules of Engagement," wasn't right for us, despite its evident merit." Thanks to the WWW, shitty work like this no longer ends down in the wastebasket.

Speaking of Mexicans, Jehovah, did you know – thanks to you of course -- Ghana put up a really solid D-fence today against those we shall not speak of? Ghana’s D-fence was so solid if they had it along their southern border we wouldn’t need Gov. Jan Brewer’s racist law to keep Mexicans out...

We promise "democratic reforms" ahead of Brazil 2014. We'll feed our soccer players filth from the fast food joints you're spreading around the world. (We're "Lovin' it!"). Come kickoff, you'll see 300-pound Africans, Europeans, Asians and those guys from the countries south of your border in spandex and helmets.

How do you know if an African man is right- or left-handed?

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For 19 years I recruited boys for the Gentleman. He loved African boys. I loved my job until a few weeks ago when the Italian Police came knocking at my sanctuary.

You are 35, goddamn it! Your 16-year-old brother is married and has two children, for God’s sake. I don’t care who you marry – Asian, White, Latina, Latino, Goat, Invisible, just marry the fuck up. I want to see my great-grandchildren before I die.

I think my theory of how Indians ended up in Kenya, and black people in India, is brilliant!

Why the fuck would any parent name a child "Prostitute, Whore, Bitch, Call Girl, Working Girl, Escort, Gold Digger, or Bearer of the Oldest Profession on Earth?"